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Our schools were divided between the freshman/sophomore campus, and I was at the junior/senior campus for upperclassmen. Someone had caught me in the school shower with a little semi going and snuck a picture of me in this state. The picture was clear, full frontal with just enough side angle to capture my excited state, and in full color. I am bigger than most boys in a relaxed state, but this captured my 7.5 inches for all to see on my 17th birthday!Whoever had this picture printed hundreds of copies. On my birthday every teacher found one of the pictures stuck neatly inside the stack of homework that we turn in. Every teacher saw me. Every teacher now knew what I look like naked. The 24 year–old female English teacher, the 46 year-old female math teacher who was a friend of my mom, everyone of them knew what I looked like naked.Worse…the math teacher even showed my mom the picture!On that birthday, those pictures were stuffed in the lockers of all the varsity. Harry Potter jokes were nothing new to me; I’d shared a surname with J.K Rowling’s famous girl-witch, Hermione Granger, for over half of my life and believe me, I had dealt with worse than Craig Wellman’s dull wit over the years. A LOT worse. “Well Craig,” I chirped brightly, not wanting to let him see that he had hit a tender spot. “They’re ’Unforgivable Curses’, not spells.” That deflated him a little bit. “I’ll have to consult my ‘Goblet of Fire’ first-edition, but I believe the third Unforgivable Curse is Broomenema.” That stopped him dead. A look of confusion crossed his face, momentarily stifling the giggles. “Broom-what?” “Broomenema,” I smiled. “That’s when you turn the head of your broomstick into your ass. It’s not so much unforgivable as ill-advised.” The class dissolved into screaming chaos. Bazinga! Gotcha, Craigie-waigie! I’d taken a bit of a chance burning a student with a relatively ribald joke like that, but Craig was the class clown after all. It took him a few.
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